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- #72: Negotiating life.
#72: Negotiating life.
Shem Opolot
May 17, 2024
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Who am I? I’m Shem Opolot, a health professional turned content creator, passionate about helping people be their best selves in life and work.
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Happy Friday 🎉 I’ve spent the whole week practically alone with Zion and Zoé, and it shows:
The playlist has only a few new songs (Tommy Richman’s Million Dollar Baby is a bop!) because my phone has spent most of its time by Zoé’s bedside playing rain sounds the Spotify DJ will feed back to me as bangers “to get my day started.”
The only way this issue was getting written was if I made it, at least tangentially, about parenting.
I plan to start drafting my first book this year, but while on the topic, I’m inspired to write a second one on parenting. I know, I know—*spends 5 minutes alone with the kids, becomes a child psychologist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.*
Also, I had my ultimate super dad moment last week. The kind where if I were a single dad, I’d steal all the girls: I played football with Zion while Zoé was asleep, strapped to my chest. At some point, Zion fell, and I picked him up and soothed him. I didn’t think I was capable of such dexterity, but yeah…hide your kids, hide your wives.
LIFE.
Negotiating life.
I didn’t think I’d learn to negotiate from my two-year-old son.
Zion’s at the age where he’s beginning to hold and express strong opinions.
My personal favorite is his clothing. When we walk to his wardrobe in the morning, he insists on picking out his outfit, and if you let him, he’ll pick his pajamas. Every. Damn. Time.
But obviously, we don’t want to tee him up for a low-hanging fruit nickname in the future, so we negotiate.
Name your price first.
“Zion, sweetie, this is what we’re going to wear.”
A tantrum will surely follow, but we’ve established a baseline. Once you anchor the other party with your suggestion, the back-and-forth moves within an acceptable range. In Zion’s case, we could settle for half and half—a pajama top and regular pants. It's not perfect, but it's closer to what we want. We can switch out the top later with some tricks.
Naming your price first exploits the anchoring bias, where people tend to overvalue the first piece of information they receive when making decisions.
Information asymmetry and benchmarking.
Most businesses run on information asymmetry—one party knows more than the other, and the one who knows more has the upper hand. Zion suffers from the illusion of choice, and we let him enjoy that, but he can walk up to the wardrobe tomorrow and only find the options we want him to see.
So, whether it’s finding a carpenter, a tailor, or an internet service provider, get information. Benchmark. Information is a powerful tool for calibrating your expectations.
BATNA.
Ah, there’s that word again. A huge part of getting information is to strengthen your position. You must enter every negotiation knowing the point above or below which you’re willing to walk away. Call it your yield point. Even Zion knows his yield point, evidenced by his theatrical performance on the floor in protest.
But Zion has no BATNA.
Once you know your yield point, get a solid alternative—your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement—that will empower you to negotiate from a position of strength.
A win-win.
A friend of mine disagreed with his girlfriend, and once we established that they wanted to be together, we reframed the problem from him versus her to him and her versus the issue(s).
When Zion accidentally hits his head on the edge of my laptop because I was playing that game every aspiring father dreams of where I toss him around like a sack of potatoes, we unite and say: bad laptop.
Options are good.
To peel Zion from his pajama protest on the floor, we give him several (preselected) outfits to choose from. The options gamify the experience for him. It works every time. Avoid YES/NO situations unless you’re a lawyer cross-examining a witness.
Look at how much Zion has taught you.
THINGS.
A quote by The Phoenix Project.
Heal. So you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wound.
A picture.
We left the house for “a small meeting,” and this is where we ended up. There was even ice cream involved.
WORK.
A simple shortcut
This is a common problem with a simple but little-known solution.
Here’s your data:
What if you want to move the “Department” column to appear after the “Age” column?
Simple
1. Select the entire column.
2. Hold down Shift and drag the column where you want it using the grey marker that appears as a guide.
This document will help you polish your Excel skills.
FUN.
The Friday Fix Playlist
In each word below, at least three of the same letter have been removed, and the remaining letters have been left in their proper order. For example, adding 3 S’s to “AAIN” would lead to “ASSASIN.”
Can you determine the four words?
1. FAIBE
2. EER
3. AEE
4. INIU
Answer below
Shem’s picks
✅ Learn more about your music taste so you can stop telling everyone you found that song first.
✅ How to fight without ruining your relationship.
✅ Type what you want to say in this reverse dictionary.
Answer:
Fallible (3 L’s added)
Pepper (3 P’s added)
Assesses (5 S’s added)
Minimum (3 M’s added)
Have a great weekend,
— Shem
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