- The Friday Fix
- Posts
- #36: Let me tell you a story
#36: Let me tell you a story
Shem Opolot
September 08, 2023
Hi! Welcome to The Friday Fix! You’re reading this because you probably stumbled upon this post somewhere on the internet instead of where it should be—in your inbox. But no worries; we can fix that.
Who am I? I’m Shem Opolot, a health professional turned content creator, passionate about helping people be their best selves in life and work.
Why should you subscribe?
I have over 10 years of work experience in healthcare, program management, and data analytics on two continents. So, I know a little about helping you work smarter
I comb through tonnes of self-improvement content so you don’t have to, and I distill the content into bite-sized wisdom for you
I’ll occasionally make you laugh
If this sounds good to you, click the subscribe button below, add your email, read the welcome email from me in your inbox (check your spam folder or Promotion tabs), and follow ALL the instructions. This is important so you don’t miss future posts.
Happy Friday 🎉 Today’s post is odd (and a little late) because what I really wanted to write about happens today. By the time most of you read this, my life will have changed forever. But you’ll have to tune in next Friday to find out why.
Otherwise, I dedicate today’s newsletter to all those who lick the lid of the yoghurt can before devouring the yoghurt. To those who chewed the wrapper that held the queen cakes. To those who eat the fries first, then eat the burger second.
Estimated read time: 6 minutes
💡 A short story
My hands, previously wrapped around G’s waist, now formed a runner’s stance. I’d never moved so fast in my life.
In 2016, I was at the peak of my basketball powers. Our team won the regional basketball championships and qualified for the East Africa Games, where our Kenyan and Tanzanian counterparts, who looked well above voting age, slaughtered us and relegated us to flirting with the girls from Mary Hill on the sidelines.
But while my friends recited rehearsed pickup lines on the sidelines, my stomach turned in knots. There was free food in the dining hall, but it tasted like the cook had turned in their two week’s notice. And I didn’t have money to colonize the canteen like my Budonian friends.
To understand why I was broke, we’d have to go back a little…
You see, before the tournament, I jumped into my mum’s four-door Corsa, presented the official circular to my mum on the last day of classes, and prayed she’d overlook my poor grades on the account that her son was excelling in sports, at least. And she would have, but…
Earlier in the term, I had a badminton tournament at Lugogo, and I was killing it. I made the semis, and like all winners, there were ladies all around me like a Nelly music video in the early 2000’s. While flirting with the ladies, I got word that my mum was waiting for me outside the indoor stadium, and I was excited. A non-VD visit from my mum meant I could score some ka money and some chips and chicken.
When I saw mum waiting for me in the shade of the flowerless tree outside the indoor stadium, something was off, but I couldn’t figure out what. And I was too excited to care any longer.
“Are you winning?” Mum asked as she playfully caressed my ears.
I rambled on about my left-hand smash, the semis, and my neutralized nemeses, and she indulged me, asked about classes before slipping me a 20.
It was a beautiful day to be my mother’s son, considering the last conversation we had…
It was dusk on the last day before school resumed, and the crickets in Bugolobi were crying out to my mum, telling her I was breaking curfew. G and I walked back to my block before lingering in the staircase to, um, well, fondle each other. About five minutes into G and I playing tonsil hockey, my mum plopped into the stairs.
I shoved G shamelessly and dove into the house. I’d never moved so fast in my life.
G ran up the stairs and avoided my mum’s gaze. We’d debrief and laugh later. Maybe kiss a little, too.
In the living room, in a flurry of fury and fervor, mum gave me the ole speech about girls. Not the sex one, though. Just the one where they tell you to stay away from them. Mum added that girls like G would distract me from school and perform better than me.
The next day, I left for school.
***
So, back in the car, when I presented the unholy academic trinity of my bad report card, next term’s bank slip, and the circular seeking permission to participate in the East Africa Games, my mum lost it. She told my brother to leave the car, central-locked the doors, and lectured me without looking at me. Mum counted my crimes one by one—the flailing grades, the numerous sports distractions, and... the girls.
“I saw you at Lugogo, entertaining all those girls. You think you are the first boy to speak to girls?”
I sat behind her, mute and folded into humility.
After she was done, she dismissed me. No pocket money. Nothing.
“Go!”
That’s how I ended up hungry at the East Africa Games.
And by the way, G did perform much better than I did in the ensuing national exams.
But I regret nothing.
🔌 Shameless plug
Don’t take my word for it. See for yourself.
|
🎁 My favorite things
A quote
The difference between almost the right word and the right word is comparable to the difference between lightning and the lightning bug
A video
Why you have an accent in a foreign language.
A picture
My friend has the most organized kitchen I’ve seen. She bought these tiny containers to hold her spices, attached tiny magnets to the back of each container, added a metal plate to the wooden door of the kitchen cabinet, and attached the tiny containers to the door of the cabinet. It’s prettier in person and objectively genius.
🚀 Pro tip
Three tips in one!
I want to show you a quick way to find the sum and average of a range of numbers in Google Sheets.
But to do that, we have to create a range of random numbers using the RANDBETWEEN function
1. RANDBETWEEN creates a random integer in the range you enter, with the low limit and high limit inclusive.
For example, if you use =RANDBETWEEN(1, 10), Google Sheets will return an integer between 1 and 10 (It can also return 1 or 10).
Once you have your first random integer, drag the formula downward to get as many random integers as possible.
Please note: every time you perform any computation in the sheet, the RANDBETWEEN formula will update. Because, well, it’s random.
6 becomes 5, but don’t panic. We’re interested in random numbers.
To keep the range of random numbers you have, copy the range, and paste it in the same location as values using Ctrl (or ⌘ on Mac) + Shift + V.
We have our range of random numbers 🎉
2. To calculate the sum of the range of numbers quickly, click in the cell directly below the last number in the range and type an equal sign (=). Google Sheets will initiate the SUM function and all you have to do is press ENTER.
3. To find the average, click in the cell below your sum figure and type an equal sign. Google Sheets will suggest an average for the same range and you just have to press ENTER.
There! Three tips in one.
🧩 Where fun goes to flourish
The Friday Fix playlist
Brain teaser
From Braingle.
Each of these pairs of words is a rhyme for a familiar phrase. (ex: car and ride = far and wide)
1. Toe and shell
2. Side and coup
3. Graze and greens
4. Frost and ground
5. Hutch and row
6. Fume and chord
7. Splash and harry
8. Dyed and pique
Answer below
Shem’s picks
🤓 For the nerds, time travel and quantum physics explained.
🎉 If you use a Mac, this browser is better than whatever you’re using.
🫢 Scientists found a cure for hiccups.
⏳ A guide to one of the most proven productivity techniques—time blocking.
Brain teaser answer
Answer:
1. Show and tell
2. Tried and true
3. Ways and means
4. Lost and found
5. Touch and go
6. Room and board
7. Cash and carry
8. Hide and seek
Have a great weekend,
— Shem
🤝🏾 How I can help you
Want to be more confident and productive at work? Click here
Wanna advertise in The Friday Fix? Email me: [email protected]
Reply