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#141. Cue the question.
Shem Opolot
October 03, 2025
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Who am I? I’m Shem Opolot, a health professional turned content creator, passionate about helping people be their best selves in life and work.
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HAPPY FRIDAY 🎉 We’ve had an influx of new subscribers, so—welcome!
The other day, while walking back home from work, I was talking to myself as I often do. Making up scenarios and all. Sometimes I get carried away and even start using my hands before I realize how crazy I must look. As I put my hands away, I thought, "This is how I feel writing The Friday Fix sometimes.” This proves that good things can happen when you lean into the “cringe” and a little “crazy.”
But seriously, thank you for your time and attention. And if you’ve been enticing people to subscribe, thank you, too. Writing this newsletter brings me so much joy, and I’m glad to share it with you.
Is someone cutting onions??
***
Also, Excel turned 40 this week, and it shows. The birthday fanfare was more muted this year, with less champagne and more joint pain.
This birthday registered quietly. When Excel straightened its creaky knees to grab something from the fridge real quick, it felt light-headed from standing up too fast.
But like you, in a world that’s rife with AI hype and doomsday catastrophization, that oldie is still a goldie. And you should still take it out for drinks.
LIFE.
Cue the question.
“It was every day implied but never declared.”
That’s one of my favorite lines from one of the best writers ever, Jane Austen, in Sense and Sensibility.
In the novel, Marianne, who was crashing out, as it were, over Mr. Willoughby, used the line to respond to her sister's inquiries about her emotional state. Despite flirting with Marianne a lot, Mr. Willoughby married someone else—for money, no less.
Marianne’s sister essentially, delicately, told her, “But did you ask?”
***
By all metrics men are measured by—character, money, property, looks, cars, clothes, you name it—John had peaked. He was an eligible bachelor at 26.
For a man, getting everything you want so young is tricky, because there’s a temptation to do one of two things: follow the rules or completely buck them. For John, following the rules meant settling down, finding a “good woman,” and starting a family. But male privilege, passed down by patriarchy, allows men to prolong their adherence to those rules almost indefinitely. It’s fast-becoming a thing of the past, but a man, especially an African man living in Africa, can still wake up on January 1st with zero prospects and decide to get married that year, and it will be so.
The same can’t be said for even the most beautiful woman you know.
So John leaned into his male privilege and indulged himself on the streets, as they say. He dated women of all races, colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and political views. He hemmed and hawed as love pursued him, ducking his head and raising it evasively like an elite boxer dodging punches. And he wrapped his tongue in silver to soothe jilted lovers, acquaintances, and friends, too, I’m afraid.
But for all his folly, John had a rule:
“Never a player. I don’t play women.”
Before beginning a new relationsh, err, situationship, John laid out the terms and conditions explicitly, because, you know, people famously love to read those.
“I do not want a relationship with you. I will not fall in love with you. You cannot change my mind on this. Don’t try to change my mind on this.”
But if you’ve been in this sort of situation before, you know that even forewarning can’t shield you from the inevitable emotional backlash that surely, if not often, follows.
Then John met Jane.
And Jane was stunning and driven and smart and almost everything he ever wanted in a partner. And Jane liked him, too. So, over time, their flirtatious texts climbed out of their phone screens, sprouted wings, and wedged them into their seats at regular fancy dinners, forcing them to spit those words back and forth while across the table from each other. The endless texts were like parasites: dependent on their hosts for survival and therefore manipulating their hosts into repeating the habits that ensure their survival.
Despite his strong feelings for Jane, John couldn’t commit, but he wanted things to progress physically. Because, well, you should’ve seen Jane. So he made his move: lingering a little longer during goodbye hugs, caressing the small of her back in public but private moments, staring at her longingly and ensuring she caught him staring. The works.
But Jane, also taken with John but clocking his warfare, employed her own subterfuge: she locked all forms of physical intimacy behind the door of exclusivity.
So they dated.
And for a month, it was blissful; they both got what they wanted. But for John, the decision to commit to Jane long-term still eluded him. It began to weigh on his subconscious, and then his conscious, and then seeped into how he treated her.
When John consulted me about his decision, I had no magic words for him. I was also young and in the streets, and from where I stood, I saw no immediate, horrific danger in them seeing the relationship out.
I’m a sucker for love. I think love is always worth it.
But if he asked me now, I’d probably say, if you can’t decide on something or someone, the answer is probably no. The reasons for the no aren't as important as you think and often become clear later. And you should spend more time accepting that decision and less time contemplating it.
Toward the end of our “consultation,” I sensed he knew he had to break up with Jane, so I told him to pray about it. He told me he knew what he had to do, but he was [rightly] terrified of her reaction. Again, you should’ve met Jane.
That same day, he prayed to God and asked Him for help. Specifically, he asked God—sorry, pleaded with God to make her break up with him.
Jane was out of the country at the time.
And that evening, having reached her last nerve after sensing the changes in the tides of John’s treatment—a gift God gave women to protect them from men’s worst nature—she texted him, asking to speak on the phone.
Over the phone, she broke up with him. And with his tail between his legs and his head down, but a little joy and relief in his heart, he acquiesced.
***
Right before I graduated with my master’s, I searched for a job voraciously. On a student visa, you had 90 days to get a job after graduation. Just 90 days. I took several meetings before one guy pointed out that I had an opportunity right in front of me with my then-advisor. He wondered why I hadn’t asked my advisor for a job. I mumbled a string of excuses, and he listened impatiently before he said:
“Did you ask?”
I asked. I got the job. It changed my life.
So…you want that thing. You may even know exactly what it is; you may even be angling for it. Making general prayers for it. And the holder of the keys may be God, a partner, a boss, a supervisor, a friend, or a stranger. But have you asked?
THINGS.
A quote.
If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?
A movie.
This is one of the best movies I’ve watched this year! It also had no business being as funny as it was.
WORK.
The way we learn is changing.
I’ve told you about NotebookLM before, but there are cool updates:
You can upload up to 50 sources of various formats (audio files, copy-and-pasted text, Google Docs, Google Slides, text, markdown, PDF files, web URLs, and YouTube URLs of public videos)
Each source can contain up to 500,000 words or up to 200 MB for uploaded files.
Chat with your notebook to get information from your sources with clear in-line citations.
Transform your sources into study guides, briefings, audio overviews, mind maps, and more.
Here’s a case study:
If you want to learn everything you need to know about a specific topic, you can dump your sources into Notebook and have it spit out a study guide.
Then, if you go into Google’s Gemini App, you can use the Storybook feature to turn the guide into engaging stories that match your desired level of understanding. I know I might have to use it for my kids’ homework in the future 😅.
FUN.
The Friday Fix playlist
Shem’s picks
> Your brain is lying to you about the good old days
> How many jumping jacks can you do in a minute?
> Is a burrito a sandwich?
> What was going on when you were born?
> A free meal plan generator
Have a great weekend,
— Shem
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