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#126. Cram chowder
Shem Opolot
June 20, 2025
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Who am I? I’m Shem Opolot, a health professional turned content creator, passionate about helping people be their best selves in life and work.
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HAPPY FRIDAY 🎉 To borrow some cringe LinkedIn lingo, I’m happy to announce that I, ahem, sorry, we successfully defended our dissertation proposal on Wednesday this week, and I tell you, it went much better than I thought it would.
Coincidentally, I’ll have concluded a 7-day spiritual fast when this newsletter hits your inbox, and I think the success of my defense was divine. For example, as I prepared my opening and closing statements the night before, words failed me, and I just went to bed. But when the actual presentation began, God became my ventriloquist.
LIFE.
Cram chowder
I joined a predominantly white fraternity in college, and sometimes, when my self-esteem is low, I’ll deny it.
But today, I feel like Morris Chestnut—with hair.
So…I was in a white frat. Sue me.
While catching up with one of my fraternity brothers this week, we laid our lives bare before each other, frisking each other and placing all our personal items in airport bins. Even the especially inconvenient items. Like, why do we still take off our shoes? Fortunately for me, I wore slip-on shoes, while he wore calf-high laced boots.
Anyway.
I loved hearing about how much James, who always had the unique ability to look at himself, had grown. Things he once told himself he couldn’t do—or didn’t do—he now does. Some of these things he now teaches others to do. A complete transformation arc, this.
James inspired me and, of course, gave me fodder to furnish today’s feeding trough.
I’ve talked about how our brains love cram work. Patterns are easy, and where possible, we rely on them to cruise control through life. Stereotypes, biases, and responding “I’m fine” on the day when you got dumped, fired, rained on, and spilled red sauce on your new white tee are all examples of this.
I also talked about how the nectar of life exists in disrupting those patterns. It’s why my kids love sleeping over at their grandparents’, why that one day you got lost and somehow made your way home flickers fondly in your mind, and why the nights you didn’t plan to go out but went out anyway often turn out to be the best.
These polarizing positions represent the duality of life. Pattern and disruption, winter and summer, introversion and extroversion.
But speaking of introversion and extroversion, I’ve also spoken about labels before. Labels are useful for naming things—because we can’t address problems until we know what to call them—but at the same time, labels can give people the excuse to wear them as skin. As personalities.
For example:
Love languages? A useful framework for processing the complexity of human intimacy and interaction, but ultimately, not a real thing. Yet somehow, coincidentally, every slay queen’s love language is receiving gifts. It’s simple—you’ll love the right gift given at the right time. You’ll love the right touch from the right person. You’ll appreciate comforting words from the right person at the right time. You contain multitudes. Don’t box yourself in. You’re not a cat.
Introvert or extrovert? A useful framework for classifying our default social patterns, but also, not real. In the right context, you’ll derive so much life from being with the right people. And at the same time, sometimes nothing could be better than staying in, brewing a hot cup of tea, hiding under a blanket, and watching a show that has a net negative impact on your brain cell count. Again, you’re not a cat.
I believe you can learn or unlearn anything. If you want to, you can learn how to be kind, you can learn how to be generous, you can learn how to be stylish. You can even learn how to be good at learning new things.
So, ask yourself, are there things you wear as skin? As part of your personality?
“I’m not good at public speaking.”
“I’m terrible at small talk.”
“I’m not good at math.”
You’re lying to yourself, and unfortunately, your brain is inclined to believe you. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
THINGS.
An excerpt.
A movie: Materialists.
I love a good rom-com. I’ve watched all the classics. Name it, I’ve seen it. If it was really good, I’ve seen it at least twice. I saw Materialists last week, and believe me when I say: we are so back!
Materialists channels the Notting Hills and You’ve Got Mails of old, feeling refreshingly familiar while subverting the very tropes it lures you into hoping for. Do I sound like a pretentious movie critic yet? Watch it and let me know!
Dakota Johnson and Chris Evans in Materialists. | Credit: Atsushi Nishijima/A24
A picture.
I’m a staunch public transportation advocate. It’s one of the last great opportunities for classes to mix. I’d like to believe I’ll still take the train when I’m a millionaire. We’ll see.
Sometimes I get on the Metro, press my head against the glass window, count the trees losing the race against the train, view the landscape change like I’m looking through a View-Master (remember those?), and hop off at a random stop just to see what the area looks like. Sometimes I tour the town, count the coffee shops, and try to carbon-date the gentrification.
📍 Shady Grove Metro Station, Maryland, U.S.A
WORK.
An AI browser you should try.
Source: Thumbnail from this video
Unlike most of you, I use a browser called Arc.
However, the company behind Arc, drunk on the innovation drug and the pursuit of Google Chrome’s lunch, created an AI browser that’s just as mystical and magical as it sounds.
If you have a Mac and want a glimpse into what the future of internet browsers might be like, access is limited, but here’s your wristband as I guide you across the velvet-roped threshold.
FUN.
The Friday Fix playlist
Shem’s picks
✅ Why bosses should give feedback in the morning
✅ Need movie recs? I can’t promise they’ll be good
✅ Watch how a person’s mood can change after talking to a stranger for 30 minutes
✅ The science behind the smell of rain
✅ What actors can teach you about making meaningful connections
Have a great weekend,
— Shem
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